Practice

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When thinking of our practice we get the image of ourselves on our yoga mat being guided through physical shapes. But the majority of our practice happens outside of that 6 X 2 rectangle away from the comforting voice of your instructor.

Our practice is taking place right now, in fact it never really stops. It's in the in-between moments, it's in the boredom, the mundane, the excitement, the heart ache, and the joy. It's happening when we are driving to work , or making dinner, or talking to a loved one.

Our practice is how we are showing up in each moment. Allowing ourselves to be there, to be present, to be aware, to feel, and to be in it all.

What is your practice?

Mine in this moment is being a mama.

It's middle of the night feedings, wiping away tears, and the smell of a fresh babe. It's cuddles on the couch, and the anxiety of figuring out how you're supposed to be doing this, its feeling completely in love and terrified all at the same time. It's figuring out how to heal myself in the midst of it all.

Sometimes I am present to it, I am fully engulfed, and other times I am zoned out watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix because I have no capacity to do anything but sit and cuddle and feed my sweet babe.

It's letting go of expectations I have placed on myself of how this should be, or how this is supposed to feel. Its dropping others expectations of how much I am supposed to be doing, or how they think I should be feeling, because this isn't all bliss.

It's learning to love myself, hell - it's getting to know myself all over again. This seemingly unrecognizable self that perhaps has always been there hiding just beneath the surface. Who knew I had all these judgments around motherhood, and career, and how messy it all is.

It's dancing between the baby blues and postpartum depression, figuring out how to get to my therapist, and work in self care, let alone wash my hair. It's being filled with so much love my heart could burst, while feeling overwhelmed with the consent dependency.

It's not all one thing, or one or the other, it's experiencing it all at once.

This is my practice.

Katie Jolicoeur