Comparison, External Validation and Miracles.


It is easy to fall into comparison, never enough, and be left feeling like you are somehow missing out, or missing the point, or are not living up to some potential, or feel like you are doing everything the wrong way. 

It can feel so jumbled, so unclear, there is so much searching and looking and trying to find answers from the world outside of ourselves, not really asking ourselves what actually feels good. But instead we are looking around at what everyone else is doing or saying and trying to find where we fit with in that. Defining success based off  of what others are doing. It's no surprise we feel overwhelmed , resentful, and not enough. 

Stuck in this place of fear of what people would think or say about us if we created our life without looking for some kind of external validation, or if we didn’t care  what people said about  us.

I often feel this need to have all the answers, like everyone around me knows and I don't. Like I am missing out on some secret reserved for the lucky, and I am somehow not getting it.

We don’t like not knowing, we feel uncomfortable, out of place, unsure, void of our identity even, because it's so wrapped up in what we do instead of who we are. And this is scary, to question who am I if I am not this or that? I am nobody sometimes feels like the only answer available until we attach our identity to something else.  What would happen if we unravelled our identity from what we do and instead decided to turn inwards and ask who are we? What do we love? What feels good? What would truly feel like freedom to me, if no one else was watching, if I wasn’t judging or comparing to what others are doing, or what I think I should be doing to somehow keep up as if it's a race. 

A race to what? We all end up in some variation of the same place depending on what you believe. 

So why are we racing so hard, so fast that we are burning out. I mean I will probably go through this many more times in my life, at multiple times, as we all will. This is not just a one time thing, I all of a sudden figure everything out and will never question who I am or how I show up, or what I am doing again. It’s healthy to question, to check in.  But maybe if I can remind myself that this inquiry is normal, that many of us are actually feeling this way, and we go through it so many times in our life, just maybe I can find a way to be more gentle and loving toward myself the next time, or even this time.

Can our perspective shift  and can we see this place as beautiful, as magic, as filled with potential for whatever you truly desire (and this doesn't have to be big, and complicated, it can be simple). 

And as one of my dear friends reminds me we are a freakin miracle, and everyday we get to wake up in this body is a miracle, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.  

Katie Jolicoeur